Wednesday, October 14, 2009

A World Turned Upside Down

So I have so much to say, but some of it will have to wait for another time.

Not that I think anyone ever really reads my posts, but I like to imagine there is someone out there who cares -- and to you, my imaginary reader, I apologize for my lack of posts lately.

You see, I have been in the hospital after a car accident and unable to do so. I am alive, and for that I am forever grateful, but I hesitate to say I'm okay when people ask (and so many do). In fact, I'm tired of answering the question, "Are you okay?"

Well yes, technically. I have suffered no terrible head trauma and my heart still beats... but I shattered my femur (leg bone) to bits and had to undergo serious surgery to get it repaired. I now have 12 screws and a giant metal plate in my leg and knee, as seen in this picture. I never want to walk through a metal detector again.

I also broke my foot, my collarbone, and my nose. So, no... I'm not really "okay".

I'm finally back home and pretty miserable. I've been back for a little over a week now and only 2 of my friends have stopped by to see me. I'm so lonely I just want to burst into tears half the time. I'm a social person, I not only like but NEED to be around people. And being stuck in a house with nothing to do but watch TV or play on the computer... it feels like I am being punished.

I know I'm rambling. But to be honest, writing is my only outlet. My only way to talk to someone -- anyone -- even though no one's eyes may ever look upon this page. Three weeks ago my life was so busy between work and school and reading and cooking and events with friends. And now, it is all gone. No more work. No more school. Reading is difficult, since the medicine makes everything hard to concentrate on. No more cooking, since I am stuck in a wheelchair.

I never understood how blessed my life was until this happened. I took so much for granted. Maybe that is why it happened... I don't know. I don't pretend to understand those things. But I know these things to be true: I am so thankful and happy to be alive. I am so thankful to my parents and family who have been taking care of me around the clock. And lastly, I am so lonely and really wish my friends could stop by once in a while -- if only for a few minutes. It would mean so much to me.

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